


Coming Out

by Fangirl46



Series: MaDD Stories [1]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Biphobia, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-01-04 22:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18352973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl46/pseuds/Fangirl46
Summary: Not the most inventive title, I know but it's basically Tom coming out as bi to some of his closest friends.





	Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a gcse English exam question with the prompt: write about a time when you or someone you know did something difficult

I sat on my couch wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans for what seemed like the millionth time. My left leg was shaking slightly and my mouth was dry. My dog, Tessa, lay by my feet moving occasionally. Usually this would be quite comforting but for some reason it wasn't working as well today. Stay calm and just breathe is what I told myself. I have nothing to worry about.

Who was I kidding? This was probably the most nervous I've ever been in my entire life. I leaned back, sinking into the sofa, and took a deep breath trying to organise my thoughts. Why was I so nervous? I've acted in plays, spoken in front of hundreds of people; just talking to some of my best friends shouldn't be a problem! Yet still my heart pounded and my breathing became unsteady at the mere thought.

Thinking about the situation obviously wasn't helping so I tried to distract myself instead. I began to think of the previous summer. I left all my closest friends and family here in London and went to America and made some new friends. It was so much easier with them. I could be who I wanted to be and not worry about anyone judging me or thinking I'm different or strange. I didn't have to filter myself and proofread my every thought to avoid a slip up. I could say whatever was on my mind without worrying about accidentally outing myself.

I slip into the memories; late night truth or dare games getting wildly out of hand or midday walks by the train tracks talking about nothing and everything, just generally having fun and not having to worry about anything. I began to relax.

 

Then the sudden sound of a key in the front door jolts me out of my thoughts and back into reality. They're here. My heart rate spikes up again.

 

I hear a shuffle of people entering the building. The wiping of shoes, putting away jackets and general conversations. The noises gradually become louder as they make their way into the living room.  
They all file into the room and sit on the couch diagonal to me. They all seem a little confused and curious as to what I could possibly want to tell them so desperately and seriously.

My thoughts cloud together in my mind, I can't think straight. Endless negative outcomes of this conversation swirl around in my head. It needs to stop. Oh God! I'm not ready for this!

"So what did you want to tell us mate?" Asks Harrison, it's completely nonchalant and absolutely normal as if I'm not sat in front of them shaking like a leaf. But when I look at his face I see that deep down he's concerned for me, wondering what could possibly have worked me up into this state. I look to his left at Jacob, who's face is impossible to read. I can't tell whether he's worried or curious or just doesn't care at all. On the right is Tuwaine and he's pretty oblivious as always. Looking round the room at nothing in particular with a big dopey smile on his face, not a care in the world.  
I open my mouth to begin to speak.  
"Okay, so I-I umm I need t-to tell you guys something." I manage to stutter out. My voice is almost as shaky as my leg. I cringe slightly at how I sound - they'll never be able to take me seriously.  
"Obviously bro, that's why we're 'ere. Why else d'you think we'd come over for? To see you?" Tuwaine laughs out.  
I know he's joking but I can't help feeling like after this it might end up like that. I let out another shaky deep breath and work up the courage to speak again.

"So like, just um before I actually tell you, I just want you to remember that, I'm still-I'm still the same person I- that i was before and- and nothing will change that. I mean Haz," I say looking directly at him. "I've known you since- practically since i was born and you're my best friend and I really don't want that to change but," and right then just before I said it, it was like an invisible hand had suddenly clenched around my neck, like someone had stolen my voice box; I was unable to talk. There was an actual, physical locking around my throat and I couldn't speak. I tried to fight against it, using all my effort to speak. After what seemed like ages I finally managed to croak it out:

  
"I'm bisexual"

I breathed a sigh of relief, it was finally out. It feels kinda weird to announce it like this. That secret I've been hiding for my whole life was now out there - and out of my control.

My brief feeling of calm only lasted for two seconds. I could feel my leg start shaking again and I gripped the edge of the sofa. An attempt to hold on to reality and stop my negative emotions getting the better of me. I felt like everything was moving in slow motion. I glanced up at my friends anxious for a reaction. Not sure what to expect yet still dreading it.

It was Tuwaine who broke the silence with a loud laugh. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Jacob was still as unreadable and silent as before.

"Okay bro, what is it actually?" Tuwaine looked at me expectantly.

It took me a minute to process what he'd said but I was horrified. I could feel my cheeks burning as the tears that had been building up began to stream down my face; breaking the dam I'd been building up. I couldn't help it. I'd just announced my deepest and darkest secret, something I'd never told anyone and this is how he reacts!

I look up at Harrison, my eyes pleading for him to respond differently.  
"Haz?" I whisper barely audible.  
He just looks at me full of hurt and betrayal and disappointment. My heart sinks. He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off.  
"Look I'm terrified and I know you might have a problem with it but," I'm speaking too fast and my thoughts are frantic. I'm getting hysterical. I'm panicking. My voice begins to break and my tears threaten to spill over yet again "I know this could change everything and I know might hate me for it but I really really don't want it too." I'm getting desperate now "Like I said before I'm-I'm still the same person, an-and this - this is just some new information about me. It's not something I'm ashamed of." Although my burning cheeks and waterfall of tears begs to differ.  
"Who have you told already?" He asks in a cold monotonous voice. He sounds offended.  
I look back at him shocked and confused.  
"No-one" I respond with eventually.  
"Don't lie to me Tommy. Who have you told? I can tell with you're hiding something."

The use of that old nickname makes it sting even more. Like all the time we spent together as kids meant nothing. I almost laugh at the irony. He obviously couldn't tell I've been hiding this for the past 20 years.

He glares back at me, demanding an answer.  
"I told no one, I swear. Only a couple of guys last summer" I eventually admit.  
"So obviously not no one." he muttered bitterly. "Why didn't you tell us? We're your closest friends and you lied to us!"  
He's standing up and shouting now.

"Why didn't I tell you?" I stand up too. "I didn't tell you because I was scared!" I yell, my voice starts to break. "And I was right to be too!" I continue gesturing at him.

He gives me a look of utmost disgust and then walks straight past me. The others follow. I hear the door slam behind then and I cry out in frustration chucking a pillow across the room before curling back up on the couch and crying my eyes out.

That did not go the way I wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I'm not saying that Tom Holland is bisexual or that any of his friends are homophobic/biphobic. Sorry if I offended anyone.
> 
> (my first fic btw)


End file.
